June 30, 2010

When I writing a lot of these entries I use to always considered the persons who’d say “What do you know, you don’t even have a job” and now I realize they are the same persons first to cry “That’s easy to say when you have a job!” Replace job with anything you are dealing with and there are always those persons who discount whatever is being said, and add nothing of value to the discussion. Well I wrote what is to follow back in June and although it was never meant for anyone to read I want to share it now. Its actually something I randomly jotted down in a notebook I kept for brainstorming ideas on finding work. It had nothing to do with blogging lol. One last thing, when I came back from Ghana I set some very demanding goals to find work by July 1st… this was written the night before that date. I was writing in celebration of what I felt was a job well done. Oh! FYI there are a few sentences that don’t make the most sense just know they are related to the dates in the goals I set.


“So much going on right now, I feel like Job. Over the course of 7 months I have lost or am on the verge of losing quite a bit. I lost my beyond fine girlfriend, my job, my savings, my peace of mind, and currently trying to stay a float with my condo mortgage. Thus far I have been unsuccessful at every attempt to get things back on track. However through it all I was given or maybe I should say it was revealed to me my greatest skill and also of everything taken from me (Even my health & strength was temporarily snatched up from a shoulder separation playing football Saturday) I was left with my greatest asset… My heart, my will to keep going when most would have given in. I have watched dreams disappear and life dwindle down to nothing but a hand full of failures yet in those darkest moments I find it in myself to keep going. It occurred to me that the singer praises God with his voice and the writer with his pen. Could it be the heart strong praises with his God given persistence? This whole time I could not see myself stopping for anything. I felt uncomfortable. Even when I took my shoulder as a sign for me to stop something pushed me to keep going. Something made me get out of the slump and realize maybe instead this is a test to see how I would continue. Seven days ago today I said I would give it my all and at the end I would say ‘job well done’. In the pass seven days I have fought back tears, depression, injuries, fatigue, frustration, hopelessness, and the list goes on every minute of every hour of each of these days. I pondered over the number of jobs I have submitted to since being laid off and I counted those that were kind enough to reply with a denial letter… 250+ and counting. It only takes one yes but good grief, that amount of rejection and let down is unimaginable to bear. To come so close so many times and miss the mark is painful. I said all that to say I think I did do a good job and whatever happens, I gave it my all and for that I am proud of myself. As this race draws nearer and nearer to a close I look back and I don’t see mistakes I see lessons learned and teaching points to whomever’s willing to listen. Well tonight is the night that I celebrate, I still have some work to finish up but I had to get that off my chest”


Now that you have read it would you believe this was weeks before I was ever contacted by my current employer? Sometimes when there is no one to cheer for you, you have to cheer for yourself. If you know in your heart you came with everything be proud of that! Who cares the outcome? Who cares what anyone says?! People are going to talk no matter what happens. I was happy for me and that was enough. And now looking back at it, my effort was something like an iceberg. It didn’t look like much to start with, but if you could only see underwater! Don’t let people write off your hard work is what I am trying to tell you! Even if what you are doing doesn’t seem to be paying off just know eventually it will bring it’s weight in gold and then some.