You yet holding on? Well keep on keeping on

First a side bar. I did not know I own a satchel (man purse). I thought it was just a really nice laptop bag. I am in the loop, Saint Louis and there are a lot of youngins out and so I guess they are not use to any business related accessories (for lack of a better word). Anyway I am dressed in a tshirt and jeans which is no big deal but the bag is Perry Ellis and while it goes nicely with my business attire it looks out of place when I am casual. However, I had no idea I was getting laughed at in the streets, lol. The problem is I am too old to walk around with my book bag all the time yet I am in an area that gets flooded with students so they not on that grown man style yet…Darn kids making fun of me!


Everyday is a new day yet the blessing of seeing tomorrow can often be misconstrued as a curse. For the last 7 months I have gone to bed with disappoints everyday on the out come of my job search. However, I get up the next day and TRY AGAIN! Not an easy feat to accomplish by the way. I remind myself that the fight is not over when I am tired but its over when its over. In my case the fighting stops when I get a job and until then my 9to5 is finding a 9to5. True enough some days I do give up, but I wake up the next day with my strength renewed. I would like to share a moment with you where that renewed strength did not return in the morrow. Late February, early March I began to accept that I had failed. I could feel myself letting go, quitting. It was my lowest moment in this experience and my most depressing because I had never given up on anything… the situation seemed hopeless. I had not gotten one reply! Forget interviews, I could not even get companies to respond. I mean, I would have thrown a party just to get an email saying “we regret to inform you”. I am always strong on the outside but that feeling was killing me. But! You can always bank on me to do the unexpected. Going broke, no job, on the verge of losing everything, and a broken spirit to add to the mess what did I do?!?! Spent over 3 stacks to go to Africa, lol!!! It was a game changer. I figured if I am going down I better have fun doing it! But seriously, I have given a lot of explanations of why I went to Ghana and they were all true but the most honest and sincere reason? I had lost faith. My well of inspiration had run dry. I honestly felt like my life (as I knew it) was over but throwing in the towel for me did not mean laying down. It was hail mary time, and if you have been following you know I caught that ball in the endzone! Thank God I am back in the game. Which bring me back to my point. There is no laying down, I cannot stress that enough. I don’t know what is going to happen, but to those who struggle with their own personal battles keep going, keep pushing, keep moving, keep on keeping on, and perhaps some time from now we will both be telling each other “I told you so.”


I think that is good enough. Maybe its a message that is getting old but sorry that's just what I was feeling. I’m at starbucks but I think I am about to pack my laptop back into my “satchel” (lol) and head home. I know all these blogs are serious, but it will be party time soon. I am curious to know myself what tone this blog will take on once the smoke clears.