Head against the wall

I have stood in front of this wall before and watched bricks crumble. I have hit this same ceiling and watched the glass shatter. I have done these things so often I feel a cockiness about it. I have my game plan, a mustard seed, and the determination to see things through. However, this wall remains and the pressure to find a break through mounts everyday. So, I can not help but to wonder "what if that natural fear should be present?" I care about what happens, but I don’t fear the worst. I could hit that wall and break, I could reach that ceiling only to fall back to the Earth and yet I am not afraid. I find that discomforting or maybe the discomfort stems from the fearfulness of others for me (I hope that makes sense). Either way everyday I know I get stronger and my stagnant life seems to be slowly picking up the pace. I wake up every morning and do something job related whether it is filling out an application or researching opportunities off the beaten path. I continue with my dream to be an Android programmer, and I study a little xml or java. Once my brain is full, I go run in the park. If the weather is bad I grab a book and head down stairs for the treadmill. Exercise usually puts me back in the mood for studying so I study what ever programming language I did not start my day out with. All in all, I do what I want…and the best part is I can make a career out of it. My whole life I feel like I have been slow to figure things out, but that is okay. I really believe I have something great to offer the world of software because I don’t have the personality of most people in that profession. I think that alone sets me miles apart. I believe I have what it takes to succeed, but for now I patiently stare at this wall. :-/